Dear Jasmine: November 19th, 2021
By Jasmine Stidham, Teacher and Coach at Harvard-Westlake and Assistant Coach at Dartmouth College
Thank you to everyone who submitted questions. If you would like to ask a question for next time, please visit the Dear Jasmine tab on our website, girlsdebate.org.
The next installment will be published two weeks from now, December 3rd.
Q: How would you recommend letting go of a coach? I've never had to do it before and I'm realizing how it's harder than it seems because I keep getting sentimental/feeling bad about it even though they haven't done much, so help would be appreciated. Thanks:)
A: First, I’m really sorry you’re in this position. It’s never fun to let someone go, even if it’s the right thing to do. My best advice is to keep your message as professional as possible to avoid bringing friendship or other residual sentimental feelings into the conversation. This is not to say that you’re not allowed to feel real human emotions about this decision; it is totally normal to feel sad and sentimental about letting your coach go. However, to make this process as painless as possible, it is best to separate those feelings from the decision to let them go.
I have limited information about your situation, but I tried to write an email template you can use when you reach out to them:
Hello ________,
I’m reaching out to discuss our coaching arrangement. After long and thoughtful consideration, I’ve decided to take things in a new direction. While I greatly appreciate your desire to work with me, I believe my priorities and goals require a different coaching arrangement.
I really enjoyed working with you and will always be thankful for everything you’ve taught me.
Sincerely,
___________
I tried to keep it short, sweet, and professional. If you do not feel comfortable letting them go, could you ask a parent to send the email for you? It might feel less scary if an adult sends the email so it’s out of your hands. Of course, you should only do what you’re comfortable with.
If you need help finding a new private coach, I wrote more about this here:
https://www.girlsdebate.org/general-resources-1/2020/5/2/hiring-a-private-coach-what-to-look-for-and-what-to-avoid
I hope you find a coach who’s a better fit. Sending you a virtual hug :)
Q: Is there anything you think the LD world does better than the policy world?
A: Ooooooh, I like this question. Hmmmm. Despite my gripes with LD, there are some redeemable aspects I respect.
1. Judges actually vote on theory: this is a double-edged sword. I think LD judges tend to vote for silly theory arguments far too often, which is incredibly frustrating. On the other hand, it is sometimes nice to be able to go for reasonable theory arguments and win. In policy, judges tend to avoid voting for theory arguments like the plague. I cannot remember the last time I heard of a judge voting for a non-conditionality theory argument as a reason to reject the team. The threshold is exponentially higher in policy. This can be annoying when we’re dealing with positions like 12 plank counterplans that include object fiat, no solvency advocates, and vague mechanisms.
2. Self-sufficiency: due to the nature of LD, debaters must be extremely self-sufficient. They cannot rely on their partner to carry them or the workload, and they have to accept responsibility for their competitive success. I enjoy this aspect of LD because it avoids a lot of headaches related to partnerships in policy. I have a lot of respect for successful LD debaters because it’s not easy to do it all on your own.
Q: What advice would you give to high school LDers thinking about trying college policy?
A: Go.for.it! You can and should absolutely pursue college policy debate if it’s an option for you. The learning curve is not as steep as you think. There are so many examples of high school LDers successfully transitioning to policy in college.
Why not try? What’s the worst that could happen? Worst-case scenario, you end up not enjoying it, and you move on. What if you end up enjoying it? I think you owe it to yourself to at least give it a try.
Every summer at camp, I usually hear the same questions from students: will college coaches want me to debate for them? Am I good enough?
The answer is YES! College teams don’t really “cut” people from the team; in fact, I cannot think of a single college policy team that actively rejects interested students for not being “good enough.” The overwhelmingly majority of college policy teams are looking for more interested students to join the team.
I had zero national circuit experience in high school. I joined my first college team as a freshman and had no idea what I was doing. I was not very good. Despite these factors, I was still able to compete as much as I wanted to and I’m very thankful I took the plunge.
Also, remember that you can always start off in JV if you want to get your feet wet before jumping into the open division. No shame in that.
If you ever need help getting in touch with college coaches, please do not hesitate to reach out. I am more than happy to connect you.
I wrote an article about college policy debate last year, which may be helpful:
https://www.girlsdebate.org/blog/2020/8/29/persisting-thinking-about-college-debate-20
Best of luck to you!
Q: Dear Jasmine, elim rounds really stress me out and I think that my performance suffers when the stakes are high. Do you have any tips for how to remedy nerves, especially when it really matters (like semis or finals)?
A: Great question. I think when most debaters ask questions about managing nerves in these situations, we sometimes forget about our existing coping mechanisms. When you get nervous in other high-stakes environments, how do you typically remedy those nerves? For example, if you are about to take a big test, do you have a routine you go through to get into the right headspace? One strategy that tends to help me, whether it’s related to debate, an important presentation, or an interview, is asking myself the question: what’s the worst that could happen? If I make a mistake, what is the absolute worst possible consequence I could experience? After I ask myself this question, I am able to talk myself down from the anxiety cliff because I realize the stakes are not actually that high. “If I mess up, I could probably fix this later. I doubt that others are reading into this as much as I am. This is not a life or death situation- I could easily rebound from this even if it goes terribly.”
So, what happens if you lose an elim round? It’s just a loss. At one tournament. That’s it. I say this knowing it’s not always that easy when you are in the moment. I was a competitive maniac who stressed out over every round and every loss.
Something that really helped me was creating a pre-round routine to get me hyped before big rounds. I would listen to my favorite songs to get into the zone, and I would try to reserve a few minutes before the round to just sit there and zone out for a bit. This really helped.
I know this sounds like the most generic piece of advice ever, but it’s repeated for a reason. Deep breaths. When you get nervous or anxious, your heart rate tends to go up, which makes it worse. If you control your breathing before you’re about to speak, you will feel immensely better. This is why I make my 8th graders take big, deep breaths before they give their first speeches in class. It brings their heart rate down and remedies their nerves.
These strategies may or may not be helpful, but I would encourage you to create a pre-round routine that works for you :)
Someone asked a similar question about the yips in last week’s post, which might also help:
https://www.girlsdebate.org/general-resources-1/2021/11/12/dear-jasmine-part-2-november-12th-2021
Happy debating!